Where the Heart Is
by Kyra Renee
Summary: Ten years after Naraku's defeat Rin is adapting well to her village life. Or so she thought. But an engagement to Kohaku causes her to question what she really wants. It's a decision that will alter her entire future and it becomes more and more complicated when time changes even her relationship with Lord Sesshomaru. But it's a decision that she must make before it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

Ten long years had passed since order had been restored to the world. Time was not something she had ever worried about nor even considered and she had let it slip so easily through her fingers. Ten years ago she had had all the time in the world, but ten years was a very long time and many things changed. Now, time was something that she struggled to hold onto, but it was moving much faster than it ever had and she was powerless to stop it.

Kagome had returned from the other world seven years ago although it seemed like just yesterday Inuyasha returned to the village with her in tow. It really had been a special day as she announced that she would be staying in the feudal era. Seven years later she had adapted quite well and it was no surprise that she and Inuyasha were expecting their first child.

Sango and the monk had stopped after the birth of their fourth child and after Sango nearly lost her life in the process. Not a single demon had ever managed to kill her during her days as a demon slayer, but the birth of one tiny baby nearly did.

Lady Kaede had passed on two years ago to join her beloved sister Kikyo and Rin was left to tend to the needs of the villagers.

It was something she had been looking forward to during her time with Kaede and something that she had been prepared for, but that made it no easier. Kaede had warned her that her troubles had not ended, despite the fact that she had not strayed from the village in years. At the time, she had brushed off the warning. Surely her troubles were long gone.

She sat beside Kagome in the grass and watched as the young woman struggled to reach a basket near her feet. It was comical in a way, but after a moment of smirking, Rin leaned forward and grabbed the basket for her.

"Here you go."

Kagome smiled, the humiliation evident in her flushed cheeks. "Thanks," She responded quietly before dropping the herb into the basket and leaning over to pluck more from the ground. "I can't wait until this is all over," She said finally, sitting back with a long sigh.

Rin looked over at her swollen belly and smiled. "The baby will be here soon. You won't have to wait much longer. Then there will be sleepless nights and lots of crying to look forward to," She said with a soft laugh.

"I know," Kagome shook her head as she smiled. "Inuyasha doesn't realize what we've gotten ourselves into. It's bad enough taking care of him let alone a baby as well!" She gave an exasperated sigh.

"At least you have Sango and me. We'll help you, Kagome," After all, Rin had helped poor Sango many times when Miroku was away. She hadn't mind at all. The twins were a handful but they always kept her busy and on the move.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it. Maybe I can repay the favor once you and Kohaku get married," Kagome giggled and Rin forced a laugh.

She picked a blade of grass from the ground and studied it carefully. She had been trying to forget her betrothal to Sango's younger brother, Kohaku. It was just another one of those things that had happened during those ten years and another reason she was so eager to stop time.

She was eighteen now and more than ready to marry and become a wife and mother. Though she had accepted the proposal from Kohaku three months ago, she had never been entirely convinced that she had made the right decision. She would always care for Kohaku and their relationship had blossomed over the years as they got older. But her heart was not with him and she feared that it never would be. Her heart was far away and she hadn't seen it in many years.

"I should go back to the village now. Inuyasha and Miroku should be returning soon. I can't believe they've been gone for an entire week," Kagome shook her head as she rocked herself onto her side so she could push herself up onto her knees before pulling herself into a standing position. Rather than watch her struggle helplessly to reach for the basket again, Rin lifted it up to her and was thanked with a soft smile.

"I'll be here a while longer. I think I may take a walk," She said with a small shrug. Kagome nodded and turned to leave without another word.

She watched her walk away before standing up and brushing the dirt and grass from her kimono. Sango and Kagome had given it to her as a gift and she had fallen in love with it only because it reminded her of another kimono that had been gifted to her as a child. The colors were different, but the pink and purple flower pattern was exactly the same.

She crossed the field and ducked into the forest, pushing low hanging branches from her face as she walked. The demons had not given up on their attacks, but they were much smaller demons and the attacks were fewer and less severe. Once the reign of Naraku had ended the world had become much more peaceful and manageable. It was finally okay for Rin to wander off on her own without the fear of being devoured.

She walked without purpose or a destination and she was certain she had circled the same tree several times before deciding to sit beneath it. She scooted herself up close to the trunk and folded her hands daintily in her lap as she searched the thick foliage with her eyes. There was nothing out of the ordinary, as she expected. The birds sang overhead and the bushes shuddered as a little furry creature darted out from beneath it to find a new hiding spot.

She exhaled slowly and rested her head back against the tree. "I don't want to marry Kohaku," She said into the silence. Her voice sounded so much smaller than it usually did. "I don't want to have his children. I don't want…him," She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes.

She still had two more months before they could wed as Kohaku had left once more to attend training for the demon slayers. He had found another village, one that knew nothing of his past but accepted his as an equal and agreed to train him among their own. Rin knew he had been wary to join them after what had happened, but she had spent several long das convincing him that nothing like that would ever happen again. He needed to do what he loved, it was only fair. She promised him that she would wait patiently and the excitement in his eyes when she accepted him was too difficult for her to crush. She would never forgive herself for hurting him.

She ran her fingers through her dark hair and felt it tickle her face. She knew where she wanted to be and why, but she had kept the secret tucked safely inside of her. But the idea of marriage was bringing it to the surface along with a wave of panic.

"Lord Sesshomaru… where are you?" Her voice was barely a whisper and the answer that followed nearly made her heart stop.

"Looking for someone?"

Her eyes flew open and she blinked several times. She would recognize that voice anywhere and for a moment she was certain that she was only dreaming. She had probably fallen asleep beneath the tree and her mind was playing games with her as it usually did.

"I…" She sat up and gaped at him. He was just as handsome as she had remembered and it nearly brought tears to her eyes. He hadn't aged a day and she swallowed hard. The urge to rush forward and throw her arms around him was overwhelming. Her body twitched slightly and she dug her fingernails into the moist ground.

Rin forced herself to look away and take a deep breath. She closed her eyes and opened them again, wondering if maybe it was just an illusion. But he remained and she shook her head.

"It's been a long time," She said finally, chancing a glance at him. His eyes softened for a moment and he gave her a simple nod in agreement.

In that moment she felt an overwhelming feeling of pure anger towards him and she wanted to tell him everything that he had missed during his time away. She wanted to tell him how angry she was with him for abandoning her even when he more or less promised that he never would. But rather than shout at him, she frowned and narrowed her eyes as she stood up. Her small hands wiped the dirt away.

"I need to go back," With that, she walked past him and was vaguely aware that he was following her silently and curiously with his eyes.

"You're angry with me," His words stopped her and she stared hard at a tree a few feet in front of her. He didn't pose it as a question because he already knew what the answer would be, if she even gave one at all. "You've grown up," He added casually.

"I'm eighteen now," She answered him coolly.

He remained silent, as expected and she could feel his eyes burning into her back. The tears burned in her eyes no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. They betrayed her and her shoulders slumped forward as she gave into the sobs.

"You abandoned me. You lied to me," She sounded so much like her eight-year-old self again that it frightened her and she turned to give him a hard look before facing forward again. "I'm going now," With that she began walking and refused to look over her shoulder once more. One more glance would surely break her and she already felt broken enough.

She found her way back through the forest with ease and broke into a run once she found the field. She barely felt the grass beneath her feet as she ran towards the two shapes in the distance. She knew those silhouettes by heart and before either of the women could question her, Rin threw herself into Sango's arms. The wood Sango had been holding clattered to the ground and she blinked in both concern and confusion before winding her arms around the girl.

"Rin, what happened?"

She was unable to answer and instead she sniffled loudly and buried her face in Sango's shoulder. It wasn't what had happened that had upset her, really. But rather what _hadn't_ happened. She could never tell them that without an explanation and she was in no position to offer one at the moment. So rather than answer at all, she chose to continue sobbing until her tears had run dry and all that was left was a runny nose and sniffling.

As she finally pulled away from her she cast a glance towards the field and felt her heart sink. She shook her head as if he could see her and hear her thoughts; begging, pleading and warning him to remain far away from her. But Rin knew that it would not be the last she ever saw of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Every morning for two years Rin had made it a point to adorn Old Kaede's grave with fresh flowers. She did it simply out of respect and for an excuse to sit and talk to the spirit of the woman that had shown her kindness when the rest of the world had been too busy for her. When Lord Sesshomaru had left her behind to fight Naraku Kaede had taken the innocent Rin under her wing and shown her how to properly cook, how to prepare medicinal herbs, how to clean and how to function among humans once again.

The red flowers were bright and a nice change from the usual yellow and white that she normally gathered. It was a special occasion and Rin settled herself easily in the dirt as though she belonged there. Sometimes she even imagined that the ground was beginning to wear down from her constant visits.

"Oh, Kaede…" She frowned and looked down at her hands. "I never believed you when you said my troubles weren't over because I was young and stupid. He came back as I had always hoped he would, but I didn't feel like I expected to feel. I imagined that I would run to him and everything would be fine. I never expected to feel so…angry," She spoke quietly and glanced around every few seconds to reassure herself that she was alone.

"Part of me still hopes that I was dreaming, but it felt so real. He was right there. I could have touched him," She lifted a hand and examined it carefully, stretching out her fingers. "I hate it when he doesn't say anything. When he shows no emotion," She blurted out suddenly. "Give me strength, Kaede," She lowered her hand and tipped her head back.

The sun kissed her skin tenderly and she felt a breeze rolling down from the hills that stretched out far behind the village. Rin was silent for a long moment before she sighed and straightened up, her frown disappearing as she replaced it with her usual blank expression.

"Thank you," She bowed her hand as she stood up and returned to the hut that had once belonged to Kaede. Rin had offered to give it to Kagome and Inuyasha once Kaede had passed, but Kagome insisted that Rin stay and so she had. It was her home now and unless Kohaku decided to build them a home of their own, it would remain so even after their marriage.

"There you are, Rin!"

She stopped just outside the door and turned slowly, forcing a smile on her face, "Shippo! When did you get back?"

The young fox demon made his way over to her quickly. He had also grown considerably in the past ten years and although he was still small, he had become much stronger. He, like Kohaku, left regularly to train in the art of fox magic and had managed to learn a number of new techniques. Though none of them were of much use fighting weaker demons, it was still impressive for the small demon.

"Just a few minutes ago. I was looking for Kagome and Sango, but Inuyasha said they went for a walk with the kids," He shrugged and Rin nodded in understanding. "I stopped to see Kohaku on my way back and he wanted me to tell you that he'll be returning soon. They've been called to some villages to slay some demons."

"Oh…okay, Shippo. Thank you," She looked away but Shippo didn't seem to notice as he continued to smile brightly.

"I'm starving. I bet Kagome left me something to eat. I'll see you later!" With a wave, he was bounding off through the village to a small hut that sat near the outskirts, constructed by Inuyasha himself. She watched him disappear from view with a shake of her head and once again she found herself wandering.

She walked the length of the stream that ran through the village and paused to watch Miroku teaching his son some of the fundamentals of being a monk. She wondered for a brief moment if Kohaku would teach their son how to slay demons and shuddered at the thought. It was still difficult to picture having a family with Kohaku.

She twisted a strand of hair around her finger absently as she continued walking and veered from the path of the stream and towards the open fields instead. Her eyes grazed over the men and women at work and was glad for once that she did not have to join them. Rin wasn't afraid of manual labor, but she was unable to fully commit herself to the village as they people had. Part of her still clung desperately onto the hope that she would someday leave this place again and continue her travels by the side of Lord Sesshomaru. It was a feeble hope and the hope of an eight-year-old girl unable to cope with being abandoned by the only man that had shown her kindness and given her a second (and third) chance at life. He had parted with good reasons, she understood. But he had also left with broken promises. It was devastating.

She passed beneath a tree as she made her way towards the forest once more against her better judgment and was startled from her thoughts by the familiar voice of Inuyasha.

"It's been a long time since I've smelled that scent," He said as he perched on a branch, staring into the trees.

The rivalry between Inuyasha and Sesshomaru had ended with the defeat of Naraku, though they were no kinder to one another. The bloodlust had been replaced with contempt and it was something that everyone seemed to be able to stomach. They were no closer to being brothers and they never would be, but the majority of their problems had been laid to rest.

Rin paused and turned her head up to look at him. "What scent is that?" She asked, hoping her tone was casual.

He said nothing for a moment and simply blinked down at her as if he had just realized that she was standing there. "Sesshomaru is out there. I caught a whiff of it last night when I came back, but it's stronger today," He continued to stare at her and she shuddered, looking away from him. She hated the knowing look in his eyes and she nodded.

"I'll be careful, then," Was all she said as she pressed on, her heart lodged somewhere in her throat. She wasn't sure how she would react if she saw him again and it honestly frightened her to be in his presence.

He was so cold, even towards her. The ice around his heart had melted considerably but not enough to make a difference. Perhaps Jaken had been right the entire time and Rin really had been nothing but a bother to Lord Sesshomaru. Perhaps he had been waiting for the chance to just leave her in a village and go about his quest of establishing his own empire. Though even Jaken said it would taken him quite some time. Rin knew she would be gone long before those days.

She clutched at the fabric of her kimono just above her heart as she walked, her feet dragging across the ground. Sesshomaru was much better off without her tagging along and getting in the way. But yet she had never felt this lost or confused when she had been with him.

"And you were also eight years old," She reminded herself almost bitterly. "Stupid girl," She scolded herself with a deep scowl.

"I can't disagree with that," She jumped and spun around, her eyes wide and her heart stuttering in her chest.

He was leaning easily against the trunk of a tree, one foot resting against it while the other was placed firmly on the ground. He looked so at ease against the tree as if he belonged there and she felt the terrible feeling of anger bubbling up in the pit of her stomach as she watched him. She hadn't expected to run into him so soon, but she couldn't say that she was entirely surprised.

Rin said nothing as she struggled to regain her composure. His head was tipped back and he appeared to be deep in thought, though Rin could never tell exactly what was on his mind. He was difficult to read and though she had tried as a child, she knew now that it was hopeless to ever dream of figuring him out. Lord Sesshomaru was a mystery and perhaps one that could never be solved. Though she would be damned if she ever gave up.

"You were hoping to find me here."

"I was coming for a walk," She answered quickly. Too quickly. The corner of his mouth turned up into the slightest of smirks.

"Inuyasha told you."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. Had he been listening? Inuyasha had said that his scent was stronger than yesterday which meant that Sesshomaru had ventured much closer to the village.

Rin took a deep breath to steady herself and her calm her nerves as she spoke, "Why have you come?" Once the question had left her lips she was afraid to hear the answer. Surely he hadn't come to see her. He had been gone for at least seven years, having disappeared soon after Kagome had returned. Seven years had seemed like an eternity for young Rin but she had managed. She had managed until now.

For a moment he looked troubled as he stared off into the distance. After a long moment he pushed himself away from the tree and turned away from her, "I don't know."

She blinked at his retreating figure and she took a step forward. Her heart sank and she clutched at her chest again as she tried to choke out words and beg for him to come back. But nothing came. Her lips moved, but there was no sound. She should be used to watching him leave by now, but it still hurt just as much as it had all those years ago.

"S-sesshomaru!" But he was long gone by the time his name found its way over her lips. Why now? Why was he doing this? Was it fate? Or was it purely bad luck and misfortune? A curse, perhaps?

She stood in the same spot until the sun was hanging high in the sky, indicating that afternoon had arrived and the morning was long since over. She managed to find her way back to village and without a word to anyone, she disappeared into her hut and sat down in the corner with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Things would be so much easier if she had never promised herself that she would follow Sesshomaru until the very end.


	3. Chapter 3

"_What is that? Another kimono?" Lady Kaede looked over from the herbs she was preparing to the soft fabric Rin was running through her fingers._

The little girl nodded enthusiastically and grinned. "Lord Sesshomaru brought it," She said proudly. "I want to put it on!"

Kaede shook her head through her smile. "Ye better not get it dirty," But it wasn't as though she didn't have half a dozen more lovely things to wear that had been gifted to her by the demon lord. 

_Rin changed quickly and discarded her other kimono on the floor of the hut before racing outside to show off her new one. She ran towards Kagome and Sango with arms spread wide and a loud giggle._

"Look what I got!" She announced happily, doing a twirl to show it off. The young women giggled as well and exchanged looks before making a fuss over how pretty the colors were and how soft the fabric was and everything and anything else they could find.

"It's beautiful, Rin. Did Sesshomaru give it to you?" Kagome asked, kneeling on the ground beside her. Rin nodded.

"He did! He always brings me pretty things," She said dreamily. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that he hadn't forgotten her. "Master Jaken said they've been going to lots of different places," Rin added as if it offered any explanation at all.

"Kohaku!" Sango blinked as her younger brother approached them and he gave them a wave.

"Kohaku!" Rin echoed, her grin widening. "Look at my new kimono!" It had never occurred to her that Kohaku would never care about something so trivial. But he smiled anyway and nodded.

"You look very pretty, Rin," At such a young age, those four simple words had set her cheeks aflame and she looked away from him. Kohaku had called her pretty. Kohaku thought she was pretty. 

"Rin? Rin, are you in here?" Shippo's voice pulled her from her dreams and she woke with a start. She glanced around the darkened hut and rubbed at her eyes.

"Y-yeah, Shippo. What's wrong?" She pushed herself into a sitting position as he hurried into the hut, his eyes wide and frantic.

"Kagome! It's Kagome. I think the baby's coming!"

She felt bad for Shippo in that moment and she wanted to comfort him, to calm him down. But now was not the time. She was on her feet in seconds and piling things into her arms before she was running through the dark towards Kagome and Inuyasha's. She could hear the commotion from several homes down and she shook her head as Inuyasha's voice rose above the rest before being quickly silenced by a very loud and exasperated, "SIT!"

"He'll never learn," Shippo muttered as they reached the hut and darted inside.

From the quick observation Rin made, everything appeared to be just fine. Sango was instructing Miroku to drag Inuyasha outside where Shippo was already entertaining the excited children hopping around in anticipation of the new arrival.

"Rin," Kagome breathed a sigh of relief as Sango wiped the sheen of sweat from her forehead with a damp cloth. "I'm so glad to see you. I think the baby's coming," She sounded so small and uncertain and Rin knelt beside her and exchanged a look with Sango who only nodded.

"Relax, Kagome. Everything will be fine. We're here to help you."

What felt like days had only taken mere hours and soon Kagome and Inuyasha were the proud parents of a little girl. The birth of any child was a messy but beautiful thing and Rin couldn't help but smile as she was passed between the two. It was comical to see Inuyasha holding the tiny baby and he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

"She won't break," Kagome reminded him as he passed her back to her mother gingerly as if she were made of glass.

"But she's so small," He said, his nose wrinkling as he peered at her through the blankets. "And she smells funny. Like…"

"Like a baby," Shippo finished with a roll of his eyes.

"She's beautiful, Kagome," Sango said with a nod as she and Rin finished gathering all the ruined linens. She stuffed them into a basket and passed them off to the girl. "I'll stay with you for a while."

Miroku had long ago taken the children home and put them to bed and Rin took this as her cue to leave. "Please let me know if you need anything, Kagome. You did great and she's adorable. I'll come by in the morning," With a smile and a nod she left them behind. She felt strange being in there with them and though they had accepted her and she had come to love them as her friends she was still not a part of them, nor would she ever be.

For so long Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken had been her family and her friends and all she had known. She supposed he had the intention of assimilating her back into the village life all along and despite the danger and the nuisance of her traveling with him, he had allowed her to remain by his side. He had protected her from all things when he held not a single care for humans.

But that was done now and he had other plans. Ones that didn't involve a weak human girl such as herself. Though he was back and for what reason, she had no idea. She was afraid to ask and even more afraid that he would answer. He was no longer _her_ Lord Sesshomaru and she hardly felt the need to address him as such at all. But simply calling him 'Sesshomaru' had sounded so strange coming from her lips that morning.

It was complicated, but then again… what part of her life really hadn't been complicated these past few years? Kaede said it was part of growing up, of becoming an adult. But Rin knew better. She knew it had much more to do with not ever knowing who she was. After devoting so many years to obeying him she had lost sight of herself. Her worry and concerns had all been about him and even at the age of eight she had held no value over her own life. She lived for Lord Sesshomaru and now she was supposed to live for Rin. It was too confusing.

She dropped the basket on the ground and placed her hands on her hips. Who was Rin, really? She would never have the chance to find out if she married Kohaku. Marrying him would mean that once again she would be serving someone, but in a much different way. Or was it? Kohaku was warmer than Lord Sesshomaru would ever be, but the cold, dark mystery was what had always fascinated her. They were both strong in their own ways, she supposed.

She tapped a finger against her chin and stared thoughtfully into the distance. "I am Rin," She announced to the darkness. "I am Rin and I am…" She was what? She was just Rin and it wasn't enough. She frowned and folded her arms across her chest.

Her hands moved back down to her hips and she sighed. She was over thinking things and it was going to make her head hurt if she kept it up. She was already tired from helping Kagome deliver the baby and she still had these linens to dispose of.

With a shake of her head she gathered the basket back into her arms and set off to finish these chores. She would need to do all that she needed to do now because it was going to be a long couple of days until Kagome would be able to tend to herself and the baby.


	4. Chapter 4

Her eyes swept over her raw and red hands as she paused for a moment to sit back on her heels. She felt as though she had been scrubbing for hours and she still had a heaping pile of things to wash. Rin wondered how Kagome did it all without ever uttering a single complaint. The stains were particularly stubborn and she had tried nearly everything, but they still remained.

She wiped a hand across her forehead and watched as Kagome rocked her sleeping baby easily in her arms. The young girl let out a small sigh of defeat and frowned as her shoulder slumped forward. Oh, what she wouldn't give to have someone to rock her to sleep again. But adults were not given that luxury and so she would just have to deal without it.

Rin pushed herself to her feet and placed her hands on her hips as she stared off into the distance. She needed to take a break before her hands gave up entirely.

"Are you finished already?" Kagome asked quietly, blinking at the girl.

Rin shook her head. "No. But I need to take a break. I don't know how you do it, Kagome. My fingers will bleed if I scrub anymore," She frowned and Kagome laughed ever so lightly.

"Years of practice. Go ahead and do something else for a while. The washing can wait," Kagome told her with a small smile before her attention returned to the sleeping bundle in her arms. It was hard to believe that she had helped deliver that baby only four days ago. Had it really been four days? It had seemed like a matter of hours to Rin.

In no mood to argue with Kagome, Rin nodded and set off for a walk around the village in hopes of finding something else to occupy her mind with. A group of several children, Sango and Miroku's daughters included, were huddled together and feeling curious and having nothing else to do, Rin wandered over to them.

Almost instantly, she wished that she hadn't.

One small girl was sniffling as they stared into the cupped hands of one of the village boys. She recognized him as the mischievous boy that was always running from someone for something that his sticky fingers had found. But the distraught look on his face made her want to investigate further rather than decide it was nothing and turn to walk away.

"Rin!" One of the twins cried her name and in an instant she was clinging to the bottom of her kimono. Rin blinked in surprise and reached down to pat the girl on the top of the head. "We tried to save him, Rin. But he died," She wailed, gripping the fabric tightly and burying her face in it.

Rin felt her expression soften and she pried the girl away from her so she could kneel down on the ground among the children. The boy hesitated before holding his hands towards her, cradling the small bird ever so gently.

"Oh, I see," She studied the animal carefully. It had been badly injured and by the strange angle of the wings she would have to say that they had both been broken. Perhaps death had been the best option for this creature.

"My father said that there's a demon lord that has a sword that can bring people back to life," One of the boys said, clenching his hand in a fist. The look of determination on his face made Rin smile and she sat back on her heels.

"Will you find this demon lord, then?" She asked curiously and the boy faltered for a moment before shaking his head.

"He's probably scary and very far away," The boy murmured, suddenly dejected.

"You're probably right," She agreed, though she knew it was a lie. He was much closer than any of them thought. But he could barely stomach to save the lives of innocent humans let alone the life of an injured bird.

"I think his time has come and the best we can do is send him off to the other world with a proper burial and a prayer. What do you say?" The children exchanged looks before slowly nodding their heads. "You did all you could," She added as she stood up.

"Where should we bury him?"

"In the flowers! In the field!" The twins shouted in unison, holding one another's hands tightly.

"I think that's a good idea. I'll go grab a shovel. You all find the perfect spot and I'll meet you there," Without a word she turned away from them to retrieve a small shovel from the hut.

"_My father said that there's a demon lord that has a sword that can bring people back to life."_ She pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded to herself as she walked. She knew all too well of this sword, the Tenseiga had saved her life once. But it was not the only time Lord Sesshomaru had gone out of his way to keep her alive. Rin was no stranger to death and by now she was no longer afraid of dying.

Everyone died eventually and one day she would grow old like Lady Kaede and her time would come. Like the bird, someone would try to mend her broken wings but they would fail and she would be buried and mourned over and then soon forgotten. It was inevitable. Humans did not – could not – live forever. She would certainly be long gone before Lord Sesshomaru ever even began showing his age.

Rin grabbed the shovel and gripped it tightly as she set off across the field to the group of children. They had wrapped the bird in a cloth and no one said a word as she began creating a hole deep enough to bury the small animal in. She brushed the dirt from her hands and stepped back to allow the boy to place the bird into the ground.

The twins held fast to the fabric of her kimono once more as they bowed their heads to each say a prayer of their own. As much as she wanted to send the bird off, she was unable to form a decent enough prayer and so she found herself staring at the grave instead. Her stomach churned sickly and she was grateful for the distraction as a little girl broke into tears.

"He will remember you in the afterlife," She assured them as she began pushing the pile of dirt back into the hole. It was all for a bird, a bird with broken wings. But the bird had meant so much to them and they had been so struck by the loss of the animal that she had been unable to walk away and leave them to deal with the tragedy on their own.

She had never buried a bird as a child and despite all of the death she had seen, she had only felt fleeting remorse. The moment the bodies were out of sight, the moment they were also out of her mind. She remembered little to nothing of all the destruction they had come across during their travels all those years ago. Nothing had seemed quite as bad as it really was when she was near Lord Sesshomaru. Whatever pain she should have felt had been dulled by his presence.

Rin swallowed back the tears that burned her eyes as she finished burying the bird and she wiped at her eyes furiously. Was she really about to cry over a bird?

"Thank you, Rin," She looked up and blinked into the dirty face of the mischievous boy. "Maybe we can try harder to save the next one," He hesitated for a moment before turning and running to catch up with his retreating friends.

"You can't save that which is destined to die," She whispered as she watched them go. It was too morbid a thing to say to a child and so she sighed and moved with slow and deliberate steps to return the shovel.

Her knees hit the grass by the wash basin once more and Kagome was still rocking the baby and humming what Rin supposed was a lullaby of some sorts. Kagome seemed so content to do her duties as a mother, priestess and woman of the village. She knew her place and she knew her future. It was a simple life and a life of complacency. She had given up her life in the other world for a life here. She had made a sacrifice and she had welcomed the consequences with open arms.

But Rin could not settle as Kagome had. Was she really ready to sacrifice everything she wanted for everything she knew she should want? There would be regret either way and she wasn't sure she could stomach it. She would grow old and die with Kohaku or she would grow old and die alone as Lord Sesshomaru would surely not keep her around that long.

Kagome's sweet lullaby was deafening to her ears and she pushed her sleeves up further and grabbed the shirt she had abandoned earlier and began to scrub at it furiously, ignoring the protest from her already aching hands. She would not become the bird with broken wings.

" _I think that children may know how to fly,  
Let yourself go and you can give it a try,  
You'll fly on a rainbow into the sky…"_


	5. Chapter 5

There had been no argument from Rin when Sango offered to take over her duties for the day and help Kagome instead. With her own children off with the monk, she was at a loss for things to keep herself busy and Rin accepted the offer with a smile. She had been gifted with an entire day to herself and it began with sleeping far longer than necessary.

She hadn't realized how tired her body had been until she had attempted to rise with the sun only to find that her limbs were protesting by refusing to move on command. Her small body flopped back down onto her worn mat and she remained there until the sun was high in the sky and spilling through the window and onto the floor.

The rays of the sun stretched like wanting fingers towards her, warming her face and skin and she smiled as she soaked up the warmth and it filled her with enough energy to pull herself to her feet and shuffle outside.

She blinked against the sunlight and let her eyes sweep across the fields that stretched out before her. The villagers were hard at work and children played around them, carefully to stay out of the way. It was days like these that made her truly feel like she was at home.

Rin raked a hand through her dark hair and frowned as her fingers tangled in a series of knots. Those would need to be taken care of later, but only after she had eaten and taken a nice bath. Yes, that sounded like a wonderful plan and she wrinkled her nose as she considered what to eat. She ducked back inside the hut and emerged seconds later with an armful of fruits that she had gathered the day before with Shippo and she bit in happily to an apple as she headed out of the village and towards the springs.

It had become the new favorite place to bathe and she often joined Sango and Kagome when they went to escape their responsibilities for a little while. It was only a small spot that branched off of the river, but it was secluded enough to offer some peace and she could relax without any bothers.

She arranged the fruit neatly on the bank and shed her kimono with a glance around before dipping herself low into the water and sighing in content as it soothed her skin. The sun had heated it enough to a comfortable temperature and she leaned back against a rock, running her hands over her arms and scrubbing at stubborn spots of dirt and grime. Had it really been that long since she had taken her time bathing? Of course it had. She did everything in a rush anymore. There seemed to be so much to do and so little time.

Sango had insisted that they begin wedding preparations with less than a month left until Kohaku's return and Rin had been unable to tell her no. Sango's excitement was too much to bear and Rin would be miserable if she knew that she had disappointed the woman. But the realization was beginning to settle in that she was really going to wed Kohaku and dedicate the remainder of her life to him. She would bear his children and tend to his house. She would be a real village woman and her ties to the rest of the world would be severed.

Rin shook her head as she closed her eyes and dipped beneath the water. She surfaced again and wiped the water from her eyes as she worked on scrubbing the dirt from her hair. She massaged her scalp and dunked herself beneath the water several more times before she rested against the rock once more.

She studied her hands carefully beneath the water and finally lifted them above it, turning her hands this way and that and frowning when she found nothing interesting with them. She allowed them to sink beneath the water again and she blinked up at the blue sky that stretched endlessly above her.

"_Master Jaken, does the sky ever end?" She asked, kicking her dangling feet as she sat atop a rock. Her head was tipped back and she stared in awe at the vast blue. _

"_What a stupid question," Jaken said with a small snort and a shake of his head. "Of course it doesn't. The sky is endless." _

"_How does it stay up there like that?" Rin asked, blinking at the imp._

"_You ask so many questions! I don't know, you silly girl. It just does," He folded his arms across his chest and turned his back to her as he always did when he was tired of answering her questions. _

"_I bet Lord Sesshomaru would know," Rin said smugly. _

"_Lord Sesshomaru will not be bothered to answer your questions, girl!" But it was already too late because Rin was bounding off of the rock and running after the demon lord. _

"_Lord Sesshomaru!" She called his name and he paused, turning slightly to look at her expectantly. "Lord Sesshomaru, how does the sky stay up there?" She asked, clasping her hands behind her back and rocking back and forth on her heels. _

_He was silent for a long and looked away from her and towards the sky. His face clouded for a moment with an emotion that even she had been unable to understand before he turned away from her completely and continued walking. _

"_I don't know." _

_She blinked after him and considered running after him once more. She wasn't satisfied with that answer because she knew that Lord Sesshomaru knew everything and he had just lied to her. She frowned for a moment and glanced over her shoulder as Jaken rushed past her, crying out for Lord Sesshomaru to wait for him. Perhaps she would ask him later and he would a better answer by then. _

"_Rin," The sound of her name from him caused her to jump and her frown was instantly replaced with a wide smile and a laugh passed over her lips. _

"_Coming!" She called as she chased after him happily, ready to follow him to the ends of the earth and back. _

Her lips twisted into a smile and she shook her head as a sigh passed over her lips. "I never did ask him again," She mused as she pushed herself away from the rock and felt around on the bank for her kimono. She let the worn fabric slide between her fingers before she forced it beneath the water, scrubbing at it as well. She might as well clean that as well since she intended to stay there for a while.

With her kimono spread out to dry in the sun and her skin wrinkling from too long spent in the water, Rin adjusted herself so she could close her eyes and surrender herself to her thoughts.

The cawing of a bird in the distance pulled her from her reverie and she gave a small start, the water splashing around her. She had fallen asleep and it was well into mid-day and she pulled herself out of the water and hurried back into her kimono, not wanting to stand there naked for fear of wandering eyes.

She ran her fingers through her hair, working through the knots. She was glad that no one could hear her yelps of pain when she came across a particularly stubborn one. Not all of them came out, but she was able to run her hands through her hair and not get her fingers stuck every half an inch. It certainly was an accomplishment and she felt refreshed after spending a few hours soaking in the warm water.

Gathering her forgotten fruit in her arms, Rin wandered back towards the village, looking down at the food in her arms. A squirrel chattered off something on her right and she stopped. "I can't eat this all," She decided as she drifted over to the base of a tree and arranged the fruit neatly. "Enjoy!" She called happily to the curious animals with a bright smile.

She plucked a lone flower from the ground and twirled it beneath her fingers as she walked, humming tunes under her breath. A day of rest was just what she had needed and she would have to remember to thank Sango again for allowing her such a treat.

She lifted the white flower to her nose and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she savored the sweet smell. It reminded her strongly of her days in the company of Lord Sesshomaru.

The crunch of twigs behind her stopped her in her tracks and she turned her head, catching the quick glimpse of white. She hesitated and nodded once, glancing towards the sky. Now was as good as a time as any, right?

"Lord Sesshomaru, how does the sky stay up there?" Her question was met by silence and she waited for what felt like hours before turning away from him, her eyes glistening with tears. She could feel his eyes on her as she continued walking.

"I don't know," The response caused her to pause and she stared at the flower as a small smile spread across her thin lips.

"Neither do I," She continued walking again and inhaled deeply when she broke through the trees and followed the winding and uneven dirt path back to the village.

"Hello, Shippo," She greeted the fox demon as he made to pass her, water sloshing over the side of the bucket he was carrying.

"Hi, Rin!" He adjusted the bucket from one hand to the other.

"Where are you going?"

"Sango asked me to get some water so we could give the baby a bath," He shrugged, not sounding too interested in the idea of bathing a baby and Rin laughed.

"Need some help?" She had spent more than enough by herself and she wasn't sure she really wanted to be on her own any longer.

"Sure!"

She tucked the stem of the flower behind her ear and let her hair fall over it with a smile of satisfaction before reaching for the bucket to help lighten the load for Shippo as they headed for Kagome and Inuyasha's hut.


	6. Chapter 6

Sango's fingers combed through Rin's hair and twisted it deftly into an easy braid that fell down her back. They sat on the dusty floor of Kaede's old hut and the children played in the corner, giggling and shouting as they jumped on one another.

"Kohaku will be back in two weeks," Sango said with a small sigh. "It's still hard to believe that my little brother is all grown up. Sometimes I still think he's just a kid," She chuckled fondly.

"He'll always be a kid at heart, I think," Sango added as she tied Rin's hair at the end and smoothed her hands over her handiwork as she sat back. Rin shifted so she could turn around and blink at the young woman.

She studied the soft features of Sango's face as Sango turned her attention towards her children, a distant smile forming on her thin lips. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell her that she didn't love Kohaku enough to marry him, but Sango was so happy. She had been pestering Rin for the past week about last minute preparations and Rin had already reminded Sango once that they weren't getting married the very moment he returned. Sango didn't seem to mind the sharp remark though, and she continued on in good spirits as if nothing had ever been said.

Rin folded her hands in her lap and stared at them unseeingly.

"I think you should wear flowers in your hair," Sango said suddenly, her attention back on Rin. She was beaming at the idea. "You love flowers and Kagome and I could work them into your braid. You would look so pretty!" She was nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. It was as if she were reliving her own wedding to Miroku all over again.

"Flowers… would be nice," Rin said slowly. She swallowed hard and watched as the twins tackled their younger brother to the ground and wrestled a piece of candy from his sticky fingers despite his cries of protest.

"Do you even want a braid?" Sango asked, wringing her hands together. "We could do something else. I mean, Kagome is better at it than I am but—"

Rin couldn't help but offer a thin smile and she shook her head. "A braid is fine," She said with a nod as if to convince herself that it would be good enough for her.

"Good," Sango smiled. "I'm sorry, Rin. I'm just so happy. You're going to make a beautiful bride. Kohaku is lucky to have you," She reached out and covered Rin's small hand with her own and Rin felt the tears stinging her eyes.

She was lucky to have them all and she had told them that numerous times. She also knew that she was a lucky young woman to be betrothed to someone as wonderful as Kohaku. He was strong, determined, caring, and faithful. He was everything she should want in a husband and yet… it wasn't enough. He wasn't Sesshomaru. Not that she would ever marry the demon lord, that wasn't what she wanted at all.

She knew it was silly, but she wanted some sort of indication from him that he needed her as much as she needed him. It would never be in the form of words as he had never been very loquacious. She needed reassurance that deep down in his cold, dark demon heart that there was still that small flame that burned for her and only her. He had gone out of his way to protect her, to care for her and to save her life when there were so many things of importance that he could have been doing.

Rin wanted to know that he loved her because she knew that he was capable of such emotions whether he cared to admit it or not. Everyone was capable of love. But that was like wanting to walk on the Moon. It was impossible and she was being childish to hope for such things.

"I am lucky to have him," Rin said slowly, nodding as she stared at their hands. Being with Kohaku was realistic and she knew he would tell her he loved her and that she was pretty. He would tell her all the things a girl wanted to hear. She wouldn't need to drive herself crazy trying to understand him or read into his thoughts. His words would be straightforward and she would never have to worry about being abandoned by him. Kohaku would always be there.

"I should get back now. Miroku will be home soon and I'm sure he'll be hungry. I'll see you later, Rin," Sango gave Rin's hand a squeeze as she stood up and without uttering a word, her children ceased their playing and scrambled to their feet to bid Rin a farewell and follow their mother obediently out the door.

She watched the door for a long moment before reaching to pull her braid over her shoulder. She ran her fingers over it thoughtfully, trying to imagine herself with flowers in her hair as she wed Kohaku and she shook the image from her head immediately. It was everything she was supposed to want but none of it felt right.

"I'm such a coward," She muttered to herself as she flipped her hair back over her shoulder and stood. She had to find something to do because sitting alone for the remainder of the day would only make matters worse. Perhaps she could go help out in the rice fields, but then again… she wasn't sure manual labor was what she needed at the moment.

Her eyes were drawn immediately to the line of trees into the forest and she took a tentative step forward. Rin knew it would only end in more disappointment, but she had to venture in to find him. She knew he was there. It was as though she could _feel_ him and she was being pulled towards him against her will. Her heart was racing as she traveled the beaten path and stepped through the tree line.

She lifted her foot to take a step forward and was caught off-guard by a familiar sound. Her head turned sharply and she blinked several times as if trying to blink the image away.

"Ah-Un?" She breathed the name and changed her course, stepping forward hesitantly. There was instant recognition in the beast's eyes and Rin smiled as she stretched out a hand. "What are you doing here?" She knew there would be no answer, but she posed the question all the same. It seemed unlikely that he would come alone and so she was left to assume that this was the word of Lord Sesshomaru. She wondered if perhaps it was some sort of sign, but for what?

"I have missed you," She admitted as she settled to the ground and Ah-Un followed. She settled her back up against him as she always had and she folded her hands behind her head. Whatever the reason was for bringing Ah-Un here, Rin was glad to see an old friend. "Things have changed, Ah-Un," Rin said with a small sigh. She wondered if Lord Sesshomaru was listening, but it didn't seem to matter anymore even if he was.

"I'm getting married to Kohaku," She said quietly, shifting so she could turn and rest her cheek against Ah-Un. "I don't like the village life like I thought I would. I miss traveling with you and Master Jaken and… Lord Sesshomaru," She placed a hand against the rough dragon-like scales. "Now I just take care of sick people, deliver babies and do whatever else needs done. I should feel honored that they trust me, Ah-Un. But I don't. I'm so… lonely," Ah-Un made a soft noise and Rin sat up as it turned its massive heads towards her with sympathetic eyes.

"I knew you'd understand," She said with a thin smile. "Have you been good for, Lord Sesshomaru?" She chuckled at the mischievous look that quickly replaced the one of sympathy. "You better behave, Ah-Un."

"Ah-Un," The voice stilled her heart and turned her blood to ice. Ah-Un lifted its heads and turned them quickly to find the demon lord. "Come."

Rin scrambled out of the way as Ah-Un pulled himself to his feet and moved towards Sesshomaru obediently. She stared at him blankly, waiting and hoping for some sort of explanation.

"Ah-Un followed me here," Was all he said before turning his back to her and walking alongside Ah-Un as they moved deeper into the forestry.

She wished he would say more than a handful of words at a time and give her a chance to respond, but she had to remind herself that she was dealing with Lord Sesshomaru. He was more difficult to read than a book and she had tried reading one of Kagome's before. It had been nearly impossible and she had grown frustrated and stormed out of the hut to sulk by herself for hours. But now all she did was sulk and so she would need to find an alternative.

"But why are _you_ here, Lord Sesshomaru?" She asked the quiet trees, knowing her question would never receive an answer, or at least not the answer that she would want to hear.

She sunk back onto the ground and crossed her legs beneath her as she continued to watch the spot where they had disappeared. "I am a coward," She told herself again, shaking her head and plucking a blade of grass from the ground. She twisted it between her fingers. She would never get any answers if she continued to tiptoe around him. Her respect for him was all but gone and what little remained was what she clung to desperately. She was a young woman now, not a timid eight year old girl. She could be bold and outspoken. Though being bold to Lord Sesshomaru seemed like a dangerous idea.

"I've been in dangerous situations before," She reminded herself out loud. Another one wouldn't make much of a difference. Unless she was the first to break the ice between them, she knew she would be tiptoeing across it and avoiding the small cracks forever.


	7. Chapter 7

She had slipped away into the darkness, unable to bear the suffocating excitement that filled the small hut. Even in the open air she felt it pressing down on her and her legs carried her faster and further away. It was just too overwhelming.

Kohaku had returned earlier in the day and while his arrival had been nothing out of the ordinary, Sango and Kagome had gone above and beyond to welcome him back to the small village. To Rin, it seemed a bit ridiculous and overzealous as they moved about him like some great war hero returning from years spent in foreign lands. As much as she had tried, she had been unable to share their enthusiasm.

She was grateful that his few attempts at speaking with her were interrupted by his sister or the children competing for his attention and she had been able to ease away without being forced to come up with an excuse. There wasn't anything she could think of to say to him and she was terrified of what he may have to say to her.

Now that he was back there was little time left for her to make up her mind or find the courage to face her fears. Her few brief encounters with the demon lord had her head spinning as she tried to wrap her mind around his purpose there. Surely he must have known how difficult his being there was for her!

She looked up at the dark canopy of trees above her and frowned. "He isn't stupid," She muttered out loud to herself as she kicked a rock. She listened to the rock roll across the leaves and disappear beneath a bush.

Rin hunched her shoulders and trudged on, knowing that back at the village Kohaku was probably still sitting cross-legged on the floor with Kirara in his lap as he entertained them with stories of his travels. She could hear his laughter resonating in the back of her mind and she shook her head. He really was the ideal husband and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"But I would make a terrible wife," Rin reminded herself as she pushed a low hanging branch out of her way. She had long since veered from her usual path and she continued on. "I was not meant to be some fat, lazy housewife that does her husband's bidding and raise screaming children," She grumbled, kicking another rock and ignoring the stinging in her toe that followed afterwards.

"I was meant to be…" She trailed off and stopped walking as a realization struck her. Her eyes grew wide and she took a deep breath. She didn't know what she was meant to be. "I was meant to be Rin," She said finally, confirming her words with a nod. She listened to the sound of her own breathing for a moment as she repeated the sentence over again in her head as if trying to convince herself that she was right.

"I was meant to be wild like the flowers and free like the wind," She said loudly, grinning stupidly at herself. "I was meant to be cool and calm like the river and unpredictable like the water fall," She balled her hand into a determined fist. Her heart was hammering away in her chest in all of her excitement. "I was meant to be me and all that I can be and all that I want to be. I am Rin," She felt powerful, as though she could conquer the world in that very moment. The echo of her giddy laughter caused her to laugh harder and louder and she was soon doubled over, intoxicated on her own words.

She straightened eventually and clutched at her aching sides as she wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head. She could do this. She could really speak up and face Kohaku. She loved him, dearly. But she wasn't quite _in love_ with him. Certainly he would understand and as much as she knew it would hurt him and bring her guilt, she would have to do this because she was Rin. Perhaps she could give Lord Sesshomaru a piece of her mind while she was at it. As appealing as that sounded, she didn't think it was very likely.

Rin spun around a little too fast and giggled as her head swam. She blinked a few times, watching the moonlight trickle down from between the trees. She had taken no more than four steps forward when she caught sight of a moving shadow and stopped.

"That wasss an entertaining ssshow," The voice was raspy and cold and she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. "Very peculiar for a human girl," Rin watched as the shadow shifted again and the demon slithered out into the open. It had the head of a snake with three yellow eyes fixed in the center. All three were on her and she felt her breath leave her quickly.

Her eyes scanned the forest and with a sinking feeling in her stomach, she realized that she had strayed much farther into the forest than she had ever intended. Her screams wouldn't reach the village from where she stood. Running was her only option.

Rin peered around the snake demon's head to the massive body that trailed behind it and she frowned. Despite the size of the demon, she had a feeling it was much faster than she could ever be and so running didn't even seem like that good of an option any longer.

She felt her blood rushing through her veins as the snake demon flicked it's tongue at her and grinned. Her eyes moved to he left quickly and then to the right and she barely had enough time to dive out of the way as the demon lunged for her. She slid across the ground on her stomach and ignored the sound of her kimono tearing and snagging. That was the least of her worries.

Rin scrambled back up to her feet and made for what she hoped was the beaten path that would lead her back to the village. She heard the snapping and cracking of trees and glanced over her shoulder just in time to have the wind knocked out of her lungs. She landed with a painful thud against the severed part of a tree trunk and blinked the stars away from her eyes.

The snake demon turned, whipping its tail around once more and crushing the trunks of five more trees from the force. The burning yellow eyes were on her and she struggled back to her feet, cringing as white hot pain shot through her body. She limped forward, groping about wildly for something – anything – to defend herself against this demon. She was determined to keep herself alive until someone sensed the demon and came for her and she was too stubborn to believe that no one would come. Someone had to come.

The snake demon barred its fangs and Rin shuddered as something green oozed from the tips of them and dropped to the dirt below. She yanked a branch from the nearest fallen tree and held it out. If anything, she hoped to stab the demon in one of its eyes.

The demon paused to watch Rin wield her branch and laughed. The sound was a raspy sort of hiss and it flicked its tongue again, missing her by inches as it lowered its massive head.

"Tassssty little sssnack," The demon cooed, whipping its tail around and knocking her back to the ground with the tip of it. Rin crashed against the fallen tree and slid to the ground. There was no point in getting up this time. Her branch was broken in half but she still clutched it tightly as she slumped against the tree and watched the demon close the distance between them.

"I am Rin," She whispered to herself as she took a deep breath. She took some comfort in knowing that she would be devoured by this demon finally knowing who she was. But it wasn't enough to ease her mind entirely.

She turned her head and squeezed her eyes shut, shuddering as the snake demon flicked its tongue once more and licked the side of her face. The scream that escaped her sounded foreign to her own ears and the snake demon's head snapped back angrily. Rin opened one eye to see the snake demon lunge right for her and she readied herself for whatever may follow.

Seconds passed and for a moment, Rin was certain that the silence meant she was dead. She opened her eyes, expecting to see darkness, but instead she was greeted with a headless snake demon. She blinked in confusion and glanced down at herself. She hadn't done that. The demon had been seconds away from devouring her.

She pushed herself up into a better sitting position and glanced around for her savior. He stood near the head of the demon with his back to her and she felt panic seize her as she realized that he was moving away from her.

"No!" Her voice pierced the silence and he stilled. She watched him as she found that her legs weren't cooperating and so she crawled forward on hands and knees. "Don't go," She flinched at how desperate she sounded and she stared at his back with wide eyes. "I don't know how to get back," Rin added quickly, as if hoping that he would take pity on her.

She was surprised when he turned slowly and his eyes found her. "Very well," He sounded so exasperated but she didn't care. She forced herself to her feet and limped towards him quickly. She cradled her sore arm from where she had landed on it and kept a considerable distance between them as they walked in silence.

There were so many things she wanted to say, things that she _needed_ to say. But they were all lost. She felt so small and vulnerable beside him and she continued to sneak stolen glances at him. She should thank him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. He was always saving her because she always got into trouble, but that's how it had always been.

"Ow!" The pain in her back was nearly enough to cripple her and she stopped walking. "I need to rest," She informed him as she searched for something other than the ground to sit on. Rin could feel the impatience rolling off of him in waves and she gave a small gasp of surprise as he scooped her up into his arms and held her against his chest.

"It's late and you're wasting time," He said simply.

She stared up at him in wonder and confusion. Lord Sesshomaru was carrying her? She had no objections, of course. But the simple act set her mind in motion once more. She wanted to question him, but she knew that talking would ruin whatever small moment they were sharing just then. So instead, Rin pressed her lips into a thin smile and closed her eyes as she settled against him. She felt his body tense as her face buried itself against his chest. She hadn't expected him to be so warm and she inhaled deeply. She knew the walk back would be a short one and she wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity she had been given.


	8. Chapter 8

It was over too fast and Rin was pulled from her solitude by the sound of frantic voices. She wanted to tuck herself against him even further and allow the steady thrum of his heartbeat to lull her back to her day dreams. She was at peace in his arms, but she knew she could not stay there for much longer.

"Rin!" She cringed as Kohaku called out her name. Sesshomaru came to a stop as Kohaku rushed towards them with Inuyasha following close behind.

Rin curled her hands around the fabric of her lord's kimono and buried her face against him. It was her silent attempt at pleading with him not to hand her over. She wanted to go with him, wherever it may be. All the demons in the world could not stop her. All of the demons except the one that had saved her.

"Sesshomaru," Inuyasha's tone was steady and his voice even. Even though their dispute had ended all those years ago, the tension would never disappear. The world just seemed content enough to know that the brothers were no longer out for one another's blood.

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru responded by way of acknowledgement. "The demon has already been dealt with."

"What happened to Rin?" Kohaku pressed, caring nothing for the demon that had attacked her. She was his only concern and she clung even more to the demon lord.

"She was attacked," Sesshomaru said, raising an eyebrow as if it were obvious what had happened to the girl. "And she's injured. Perhaps your villagers will be able to help her."

Kohaku stretched out his arms for her and Rin stole a glance up at her precious demon lord and tried to convey all she wanted to say through a single look. If he noticed, he made no signs of showing it and he broke her hold on him easily and lowered her into the waiting arms of Kohaku. She felt tears sting at her eyes and she stretched out a hand, her fingers grasping nothing but air as she reached for Sesshomaru again. She pulled her hand back and clasped them both together tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut. He was leaving her again. He had handed her over without a moment's hesitation.

"Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru," Kohaku held Rin close and she wished she could squirm out of his grasp but she was in too much pain. Sesshomaru was silent and offered no response and Rin didn't bother opening her eyes to see whether he had gone or not.

Kohaku moved with much less grace than Sesshomaru and she winced as he stumbled and adjusted her in his arms. She considered suggesting that Inuyasha carry her, but she was unable to find any words as they made their way into the village. She was grateful that Kohaku said nothing, though she suspected that the questions would come later as Sango and Kagome were ready and waiting as he carried her into the hut and placed her down on her bed.

Her injuries were minor and the scrapes and bruises would heal in time. The only concern was the condition of her back which Kagome assured her would be just fine with some rest. It was excruciating to move any which way and so she was forced to stare at her ceiling for all hours of the night and day. Her arms and legs functioned just fine and that seemed to be all that mattered.

"You'll be up again in no time," Kagome said as she ran a brush through Rin's hair. "Kohaku has been sitting outside day and night, you know."

"I know," Her voice was hoarse from lack of use and her eyes blinked unseeingly at the same spot on the ceiling that she had been watching for three days already.

"He was worried about you," Kagome added in a softer voice.

"I know," She repeated. Her fingers curled around the edge of her blanket and she pulled it up to just beneath her chin. "I want to sit up," She said finally and Kagome stopped brushing and shifted so she could wrap an arm around Rin and help her slowly into a sitting position. Rin's face paled as she sat up, but she remained sitting and blinked around the hut.

"Could you… get me some water?" She hated having to ask for such simple things, but she had no choice. It was too much to get up and move about on her own. Her back was stiff and sore and even though she knew it was healing, she wished it would heal faster. She hated being confined to the dusty hut and she hated having to rely on the others for nearly everything.

"Of course!" Kagome was on her feet and moving across the floor in moments. "I need to get some more. I'll be right back!" Rin watched as Kagome darted through the door and she shook her head. Kagome was too good to her. Even with a family of her own to tend to, she was taking time out of her busy life as mother and wife to take care of Rin. Rin owed her even more than she would ever be able to repay.

She shifted the blanket around her waist and sighed as she watched the sky through her window. A bird soared easily through the clouds and she closed her eyes.

"I wish I was a bird and I could fly away. I could fly to Lord Sesshomaru, wherever he is," She knew it was a childish thought and she opened her eyes with a frown.

She toyed with the fraying edge of her blanket and looked up as a shadow passed through the doorway and for a moment she thought that perhaps Kagome had forgotten something. But the shadow was too large to be Kagome's and Rin looked up slowly. Kohaku glanced around nervously to confirm that Rin was alone before he stepped in a little further and sat down on the ground beside her.

"Feeling better?" He asked quietly. Rin nodded slowly. "I was worried about you. What were you doing out there by yourself?"

Rin inhaled slowly. She had known this would come sooner or later. "I like to take walks," She replied carefully. "I got a little carried away and didn't realize I had gone so far into the forest."

"Rin," He took her hand in his and her hand twitched as she thought about pulling it away. "Please be careful. I don't…" He trailed off, apparently unsure of what else to say and he sighed as he gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it. "Try not to go into the forest alone like that anymore. It's too dangerous."

She held her breath for a moment and looked away from him. "Okay," She didn't want to agree, but it was easier to give in than to start a dispute right then and there. He nodded and looked nervous once more. He was silent for a moment before standing.

"You've been sitting outside," Rin said softly and he blinked down at her. She forced herself to look at him. "Why, Kohaku?"

"In case you need me. I don't want to be far away," He answered so easily and without much thought that she felt guilty and swallowed hard with a single nod. She didn't need him and she wouldn't need him, but he was there for her anyway. He truly was a wonderful young man.

"Thank you."

"Anytime, Rin," He flashed her a smile before he turned and left without another word. It was the most they had said to one another since he had returned to the village. She had done well at avoiding him, but it was impossible to avoid anyone in her current state.

She helped herself lay back down and she pretended to be fast asleep when Kagome returned so she wouldn't need to speak to anyone else. She wished she could be in the comfort of Lord Sesshomaru's arms once more. She had never been more content.

Night came slowly and she listened as the villagers all slipped away into their homes to retire for the evening and Rin had managed to feign sleep for the entire evening. She would be left to herself for now and not bothered again until morning. She heard the occasional rustle of movement as Kohaku remained sitting outside but soon even he was silent.

She exhaled slowly as she worked her way into a sitting position and bit down hard on her bottom lip to keep from crying out in pain. Her arms trembled as she used them to support herself and she set her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut as she pulled herself unsteadily to her feet. Her spine was on fire and her legs nearly buckled, but she stumbled forward and threw her arms out to brace herself against the wall. She was breathless and her head was spinning. Her stomach churned and she swallowed down the rising panic in her throat. She could do this.

"Like a bird," She breathed in a whisper. "Fly like a bird," She sucked in a deep breath and stumbled her way to the door. She peeked around the corner to make sure that Kohaku was slumped over and fast asleep. She shuffled awkwardly from the hut, trying not to make much noise as her muscles tried to protest against her from lack of use. Her joints were stiff and she was unable to fully straighten out her back, but at least she could move.

The cool grass felt nice against her bare feet and she sucked in a lungful of fresh air. She passed beneath the trees and used their sturdy trunks for balance. She knew where she was going, but she wasn't sure why. She had told Kohaku that she would be careful and no longer wander so deeply into the forest. But she knew that this would cause her no harm because she just knew that wherever her feet were leading her would be just what she wanted.

She watched the break in the trees come into sight and her breath caught in her throat. Her already slow pace was slowed even further and she made a point to mind her footing as not to disturb him. But she knew that he was well aware of her presence as he sat against the tree. She had a moment of déjà vu and she was momentarily frozen to the spot as she admired him. He was beautiful and her breath caught in her throat. Rin had never seen him look so at peace before and she could stand there for an eternity and watch him.

"Rin," Though his eyes remained closed, he spoke her namely clearly and she gave a small start. She leaned forward, waiting for him to say more, but nothing more came. She felt her face flush for a moment and she moved forward with hesitation. She stood just before him, debating on what to do next. She wanted to touch him; to be close to him.

Without warning, she lowered herself into a sitting position beside him and leaned against him. She felt him tense once more beside her and she remained very still before exhaling slowly. "I've missed you, Lord Sesshomaru," She said softly. As expected, there was no response from him and so she continued. "I've changed a lot, you know," She glanced up at him and was surprised to find that his eyes were open and watching her intently.

"I'm a young woman now and I'm soon to be married," She studied his expression carefully but the change was very minimal. She took that as a cue that it was safe to continue and she soon found herself telling him everything from her time spent with Kaede to the birth of Inuyasha and Kagome's child to her feelings of Kohaku, "I don't want to be married. I would make a terrible wife. I'm too clumsy and I can't cook and I really hate to clean."

The only part she left out was her feelings for Lord Sesshomaru himself and all of her thoughts surrounding that. He offered no opinion of his own and no response, but she was well aware that he was listening and soaking up every word.

It was well into the night when she finished talking and she soon found herself yawning every few moments. In the silence that followed she leaned against him even more and barely noticed the arm that draped itself around her, pulling her close and tucking her small body against his. She looked up at him, but his gaze was elsewhere. Though it was impossible to miss the thin smile tugging dangerously at the corners of his lips. It was contagious and she smiled to herself as she pressed her cheek firmly against his chest.

"Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru," She murmured as she yawned again and allowed her eyes to close. She felt at peace as she drifted off to sleep beside him and for the first time in three days there was not a single ache in her body. She felt free like a bird and for once, she never ever wanted to fly away from him.


	9. Chapter 9

It was disappointing to feel the familiar hard surface of her bed beneath her and she rolled onto her side with a frown. Her eyes opened slowly and she blinked against the early morning sunlight that filtered through her window. Had she been dreaming of falling asleep beside Lord Sesshomaru that night, or had it truly happened? If it had happened, then why was she back in her hut and not with him in the forest?

Rin pushed herself into a sitting position and ran a hand over her hair. Her eyes caught sight of something lying beside her and nestled close up against the side of her pillow. She reached down to pick it up with hesitation and felt the immediate sting of tears in her eyes. She turned the flower over to examine it and smiled to herself. No, it hadn't been a dream. She really had gone to him last night and the only thing she could figure was that he had brought her back here before morning. Her heart felt as though it were about to beat right out of her chest and she clutched the flower to herself happily.

She wasn't sure if this meant she was making progress with the difficult demon lord or not, but she would take this as a good sign for now. Lord Sesshomaru had never left her a flower before. It was a touching gesture.

The next three nights followed the same routine and Rin would sneak out, careful not to alter Kohaku and disappear into the thick trees to talk the ear off of her precious Sesshomaru. He offered little to no response, but Rin didn't mind in the least because when sleep overcame her, he tucked her against him and she was lulled to sleep by the steady beating of his heart. She awoke every morning feeling better than she had the day before. No more flowers followed the first, but that didn't bother the young girl, either. All she had needed was the one single red flower to tell her that somehow, in some way, he cared.

No one seemed to suspect a thing and if Inuyasha knew, he said nothing and for that Rin was grateful. Her wedding was fast approaching and since she was back up and on the move again, it was even more difficult to avoid Kohaku.

"I was thinking I could build us a place to live right over there," Kohaku said as they walked side by side along the winding paths to the fields. Rin looked over in the direction that he was pointing and nodded absently. "I can get Inuyasha, Shippo and Miroku to help me. We can stay in Kaede's old hut for now until it's all finished. I want to make sure you're close to Sango and the others in case you need anything and I'm away," He spoke quickly and Rin could hear the excitement in his voice.

"That's a good idea," She said softly, nodding and toying with a loose string on her kimono. Without warning, Kohaku stopped walking and grabbed her hand and Rin nearly collided with him. She gave a small start and blinked at him with wide eyes.

"I can't wait to marry you, Rin," She felt her cheeks burn at his words. "I know there are plenty of other boys out there that would be honored to have you and I'm… well, I'm glad you decided to choose me. I promise I'll make you happy. We'll have a wonderful life, even if I do have to leave sometimes to go back to the demon slayer village. But it won't be for long and I'll come right back home to you. Rin, I love you."

She felt her mouth go dry and she wished she didn't have to look at him, but she knew looking away would only make things worse. Her stomach churned and she tried to swallow back her guilt. She cared for Kohaku, she cared for him deeply and she supposed that she did love him. But she wasn't _in_ love with him because her heart belonged to a demon lord that would probably never be able to love her in the way she loved him. The same demon lord she had been sneaking off to see for the past few nights and whom she would travel to the ends of the earth for.

Rin could tell that Kohaku was waiting for a response and so she exhaled slowly and decided to do what she had been doing for quite some time now. It frightened her that lying came so easily, but telling the truth would be too painful.

"I can't wait to marry you either, Kohaku. I…love you too," Her words sounded so flat and so lifeless, but he didn't seem to notice as an ear splitting grin broke out on his face and he gave her hand a tight squeeze. He nodded as if hearing that was all he needed and he continued to grasp her hand as he resumed walking. She matched her shorter stride to his and watched the dirt form small clouds of dust beneath her feet.

"I'm glad you're better. Sango thought we would have to push everything back because she didn't want to overwhelm you while you were still recovering. Still hard to believe we'll be husband and wife in a few days," He sighed and Rin turned her head to hide her small frown.

"Very hard to believe," She echoed, glancing back at him and falling silent and retreating into her own thoughts for the remainder of their walk.

Since Rin was able to do for herself once again, Kohaku had retired his sentry post outside her door, making sneaking away into the night much less of a challenge. She moved with purpose on this night and she was determined to get some sort of response from the otherwise silent demon lord. She only had a few days before it was too late and Rin wanted to know whether or not her time spent beside him meant anything at all.

She broke through the trees to find him sitting in his usual spot with his head back and his eyes closed. Normally, he would remain in such a position until she was beside him, but he seemed to sense the frustration rolling off of her in waves and he opened his eyes and quirked an eyebrow.

Rin studied him for a moment, her hands placed on her hips and her dark eyes narrowed. "_We_ need to talk," She said shortly, putting some extra emphasis on the first word. Being bold and straightforward with him was something that she had never really been good at, but now seemed like a fairly good time to start.

"I will be married in four days and you know that it isn't what I want," She paused for a moment and he gave a small nod in understanding. "Because what I want is…" Rin felt her words suddenly leave her and something lodged itself in her throat. It was now or never. It had seemed to so easy earlier when she had planned out her long and dramatic confession for him, but it all seemed so silly and stupid now.

Rin took a deep breath, "What I want is to be with you. Even though I spent so much time resenting you for leaving me alone in that village I still don't feel at home there. Everyone is great and they treat me like I'm one of them, but I'm not one of them. I thought I could do it, but I can't, Lord Sesshomaru. Please let me come with you. I know you… you have to…feel _something," _She watched him, hoping desperately for some sort of response. Part of her wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her all the wonderful things she wanted to hear, but she knew that would never ever happen.

He was silent for a long time and the sound of her own heart beating and her own breathing was nearly driving her insane when he finally answered.

"You're a human and you should live like one," His words were flat and his eyes were cool. That was all? That was all he was going to give her after all of that? Her hands slid from her hips to hang limply at her sides. All of the nights she had spent with him and the flower… that had all meant nothing? She felt the color drain from her face and she felt numb and stupid.

"That's it?" She asked, dumfounded. "You came back here. Why did you come back here? You have to have some sort of answer!" She was shouting and she watched as he pushed himself easily to his feet.

"If you're seeking honesty then I will be honest. I was following a demon. It just so happens that he came here. Once I killed him I found no reason to return immediately. That is the real reason I'm here."

"So you didn't come for me?" She took his silence following her question as the answer she had been hoping he wouldn't give. Rin nodded slowly as if confirming that she understood all he had said. She felt embarrassed and hurt and she wanted nothing more than to turn and run and never look back. But she kept her head high and nodded again as though making up her mind.

"Then I will marry Kohaku and live like a human if that's what you wish of me. You should have left. You have no reason to stay," With that, she turned away from him because remaining there would shatter the wall she had constructed in that little amount of time. Rin had to be strong because her strength was the only thing holding her together as she turned her back on Sesshomaru and made her way back to the village and back to Kohaku.


	10. Chapter 10

"_Look, Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin spun around from where she was squatting beneath the tree and grinned. The red juice from the berries she had been eating stained her thin lips a bright red and she had painted her face with it as well. She knew she looked ridiculous and the exasperated sigh from Master Jaken confirmed it._

"Silly girl," The imp muttered, shaking his head as he folded his arms across his chest. Rin ignored him as she placed her hands on her hips and took a few small strides into the center of the clearing.

"_Isn't this what all the princesses look like?" Rin asked, placing a berry stained hand on either side of her face and blinking over at the demon lord. He was silent as he watched her, but she could see the amusement in his usually cold eyes. _

"_Absolutely not. Princesses are beautiful and not covered in dirt and berries like a foolish little girl," Jaken said with a snort. _

"_I've always wanted to be a princess," She added as she watched him push himself away from the tree and turn away from her and Jaken. Jaken followed after his lord with a squeak and Rin sighed, wiping the berry juice from her face with her sleeve and the back of her hand. But she never would be a princess nor would she ever look like one. She frowned and stared at the streak of red across the back of her arm. _

"_Come along…Your Majesty," Her head snapped up and she was grinning so much that her cheeks ached. _

"_Coming, Lord Sesshomaru!" She giggled and immediately forgot about her berry lipstick as she hitched up her kimono as she had often seen proper ladies do and took off after him in a run. _

Rin stared at the unfamiliar reflection in the water. The eyes were the same, but the rest of the face had to have belonged to someone else. Never before had she seen herself look so different and she marveled at what Sango and Kagome had done to her in such a short amount of time.

She had spent the better part of the morning bathing and she scrubbed at her skin until it was nearly raw. She cleaned the dirt out from beneath her fingernails and washed her hair at least several times until she was satisfied enough. Today was a big day and while she felt no excitement, she still knew that she had no choice but to go through the motions.

Kagome and Sango had brushed her hair, rubbed some oil on it to make it shine and had tucked each strand into a delicate braid that ran the length of her back. Kagome had forced Rin to sit still long enough for her to paint her face and while Kagome had kept it simple, Rin felt as though she looked like an entirely different person.

"I look like a princess," She told her reflection. She watched as the soft red lips mirrored the movements of her own and she blinked. She lifted a hand and touched the faint trace of pink on her cheeks. It amazed her how soft her skin appeared and even as she touched it, she was not able to believe it.

"Master Jaken said princesses are beautiful and I am," She told herself as she lowered her hand and stood up. She folded her arms tightly around her chest and glanced towards the sky. Rin knew it was about time to head back to finish getting ready since she had promised to only be gone for a little while, but she found it difficult to make her feet move.

She had avoided this forest since her last encounter with Lord Sesshomaru as she had not wanted to tempt herself into groveling at his feet. He was her only true weakness and she would not give him the satisfaction of knowing it. He had made it clear that he had not come for her, but she still was unable to figure out why he had stayed so long or why he had let her come to him so openly. It was confusing and she hated him even more for toying with her emotions.

With a final glance at herself, Rin turned and made her way back through the trees, careful to avoid any familiar paths as she found her way back to the village. She tried to ignore the eyes on her and the smiles on their faces. It shamed her to know that the villagers were more excited for her marriage than she was. If Lord Sesshomaru didn't want her, then she would remain with someone that did.

Rin had decided that it would be in her best interest to make the best out of what she had been given and that would mean marrying Kohaku as planned. It was a much better option than running off to fend for herself in the wild because even she knew that she would be dead within days.

"There you are!" Sango's voice rang out from just up ahead and Rin quickened her pace with reluctance. "I was just about to send Inuyasha out to look for you," Sango slipped her arm through Rin's easily. "Nervous?"

"A little," It was the first lie she hadn't told in what felt like forever. She truly was nervous with more than just the usual jitters. This would mark the end of Rin and the beginning of Kohaku and Rin. She would no longer be an individual and that was what made her nervous the most. She had just begun to find herself and now she was giving it all away. Her wings would be clipped permanently.

"Don't be! Everything will be fine. You look beautiful," Sango turned her head to examine Rin's hair as she spoke, checking closely for any loose strands that may have decided not to cooperate.

Rin nodded and watched the dirt beneath her feet as they walked back to Sango's hut. Kagome stood outside with her daughter balanced easily on her hip and her free hand waved wildly through the air as she spoke to Inuyasha. The discussion seemed to end just as quickly as it had started and when Inuyasha stalked off, Kagome turned to greet Sango and Rin with flushed cheeks.

"Impossible!" She snapped as soon as they were in earshot. "I asked him to do one thing. _One_," Rin and Sango exchanged a glance and a thin smile as Kagome threw her hand up in the air and shook her head. "I guess you really never should send a man to do a woman's job. Looks like I have to go do it myself," She switched the baby from one hip to the other and bent down to rest a wicker basket on her other hip. With a final shake of her head she turned and stalked off.

"I was going to ask what she was talking about…" Sango began.

"Probably best you didn't," Rin added with a soft laugh.

"You're probably right. Oh well, let's get you inside before Kohaku comes back. I want to surprise him," Sango ushered Rin through the door and she slipped from her shoes and settled herself down in her usual spot, her eyes fixed on the window. She sat in silence as Sango talked and when it was required of her, she would respond with short answers and feign interest until it was safe to gaze towards the window again.

Time seemed to drag and she watched the sun rise higher and higher in the sky, knowing that shortly she would be helped into her wedding clothes, given last minutes adjustments to her hair and pushed out the door and off to the waiting arms of Kohaku. Her stomach churned sickly at the thought and she had to close her eyes and swallow hard to keep the rising bile down.

"…so I was thinking that we could have the girls do—" Sango was interrupted as the door moved aside. Miroku's eyes were wide and he scanned his home several times before finding his wife and blinking at her as if seeing her for the first time.

"Miroku, what is—"

"Have you seen Kohaku?" Miroku asked, his words rushed.

"No, we haven't. Is something—"

"He disappeared. Inuyasha and I were with him and now we can't find him anywhere."

Sango was on her feet and moving to the door before his sentence had even been finished and Rin watched as they hurried off together, the alarm in Miroku's voice still ringing in her ears. Kohaku had disappeared?

Rin stared at her hands for a long moment and picked at a piece of dirt beneath her fingernail absently. She should have considered his disappearance a blessing and she felt guilty for even considering such a thing. But she didn't feel bad, in fact as she got to her feet and slipped into her shoes to head out the door, she had a feeling that she may actually be able to turn this in her favor. The only catch was that she would need to find Kohaku before anyone else did. Even though Sango was his sister, Rin was certain that only she would know exactly where to look for her runaway groom.


	11. Chapter 11

She moved with purpose, a fire burning within her that had not been there before. The possibility to laying her demons to rest fueled her and pushed her forward as she weaved through the trees and stepped carefully over fallen logs. She took care not to disturb her hair or snag her kimono, but it was difficult to mind her pretty princess self when she was so eager to get to her destination.

Rin could feel a thin sheen of sweat covering her body as she finally neared the ledge and she blinked into the vast space that stretched out before her. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes for a moment to savor the fresh air in her lungs before she pushed it out and opened her eyes. Her feet found the edge and she scooted several inches to the right before she began lowering herself down. Her sandal found the worn ledge and she gripped at the dirt as she shifted to swing herself down onto the ledge.

She had done it so many times that she landed with familiar ease and she remained crouched as she brushed some dirt from her kimono and turned her head. Kohaku watched her curiously with Kirara curled up in his lap. He stroked the feline's ears and glanced down at her as he followed Rin's gaze. He remained silent as she settled herself down on the ground and folded her hands in her lap.

She inhaled slowly and exhaled, her stomach suddenly filled with butterflies. She had done the impossible and spoke boldly to Lord Sesshomaru, certainly she could do the same with Kohaku. But Kohaku was so much less intimidating than the demon lord and unlike Sesshomaru, Kohaku was sensitive and was not afraid of her emotions. It would take more than a few sharp words to scratch the surface of Lord Sesshomaru, but she knew her words would surely cut Kohaku to the bone.

"They're looking for you," Rin said finally, deciding that the silence was too heavy to let it continue on.

"I knew they would be. I just needed some time alone," He said a small sigh passing over his lips. "You look beautiful, Rin," His added words caused a hot blush to creep up her neck and onto her cheeks and she glanced away from him and back down to her hands.

"Thank you," She murmured. Her hands were clammy and she rubbed them against her kimono and ran her tongue across her lips. Her heart was hammering loudly in her chest and she took a deep breath to steady herself. "Are you nervous?"

He was silent for a long moment before she heard him inhaled and speak, "I wasn't. But then I started thinking about everything and then I was nervous. I want to make sure you're happy, Rin. Sometimes I won't be around and I feel like that would make me a bad husband. There's a lot I'll probably miss out on because I'll need to go back and forth from the demon slayer village and here and—" He stopped abruptly and Rin watched him wipe furiously at his eyes. "I just want to be good to you, you deserve it."

She felt a strong tug at her heart and she watched Kirara's ear twitch as Kohaku rubbed behind it absently. She could hear the sincerity in his voice and she knew that what she was about to say was going to hurt them both, but it was necessary.

"Kohaku…" She watched his gaze move to her face. She swallowed hard and tried again, "Kohaku, I think you've grown into a great young man and any woman in the world would be lucky to have you. I'm honored that you wish to marry me, but… I can't… marry you," She paused to let the words register before she continued and launched into her explanation. "I love you, Kohaku, but not in the way a wife should love a husband. My heart is not here in this village. I would make a terrible wife and I only want the best for you. I want you to be happy and I don't want you to worry about me and providing for me. I wouldn't make you happy because I'm not happy."

Silence descended between them and she could feel her hands trembling nervously in her lap. Rin watched as he stared off into the distance, his expression blank. She was anxious for him to respond but she was afraid to hear the words that were sure to come out of his mouth.

"You miss him, don't you? Being with Lord Sesshomaru," She was surprised by how calm his voice sounded and she blinked a few times before nodding, unable to form words. "When he carried you out of the forest that night… part of me knew that you had gone looking for him or else he wouldn't have found you. I thought you were happy here with everyone in the village but maybe I always knew that you weren't," He paused and turned his head to look at her. She watched him intently.

"My life will always be with Lord Sesshomaru. He saved me and he kept me safe even the better part of him didn't want to. He loved me in his own way when no one else in the world would. He made sure I had somewhere to sleep and something to eat. Kohaku, I owe him…everything," She could feel the tears stinging her own eyes as she confessed her love for one man to another. She knew it wasn't fair, but she was tired of trying to lie and trying to hide behind false emotions.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Kohaku," She continued. "I wanted to try my hardest to be happy because I owe you and the others so much too. But I can't pretend anymore. It won't be fair to you and it won't be fair to me. You'll make a fine husband and maybe you'll find a girl in the demon slayer village, someone that can keep up with your way of life. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me," She reached for his hand and while he flinched, he let her take it in hers. "You're a good friend, Kohaku. You've done more for me than what I deserve."

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity until Kohaku spoke again, shattering the silence. "I wish you all the best, Rin. I could never be mad at you. I'm sorry you had to feel that way for so long. It's actually kind of a relief to hear you say that you aren't ready because maybe… I don't think I was really ready for marriage anyway. Does this mean you're going to be leaving?"

It was over, just like that. She stared at him for a moment and felt silly for how nervous and worked up she had gotten herself. She had gone into a panic so many times in fear of his reaction and after some silence everything was fine. For a moment she wondered if perhaps he was just putting on a front, but after another moment of waiting nothing else came and Rin decided that he truly had taken it well. She had been terrified of absolutely nothing and she mentally kicked herself for not doing this sooner.

"I think so. Sango and Kagome won't be happy," She frowned and looked down at their intertwined hands. "If Lord Sesshomaru will take me, that is. We sort of… parted on a sour note last time."

"Sango and Kagome will be heartbroken more than anything," Kohaku said with a small nod. "And the children will be upset."

"Will you tell them all goodbye for me? I don't think I could face them. They've been so good to me and I've got nothing to pay them back with," She watched him hopefully.

"I'll tell them," Kohaku said with a nod. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Just because you don't want to marry me doesn't mean you have to leave," He almost sounded desperate to keep her to stay. Rin gave his hand a squeeze and offered him a small smile.

"I'm sure. I have to. I have to go where my heart is," She told him. She watched him as he studied her for a moment before nodding. "Thank you, Kohaku. Thank you for, everything," Without warning she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. She watched his face flush and she smiled sheepishly as she pulled away.

"I'll miss you, Rin," He admitted with a small sigh.

"I'll miss you too. But I'll be okay. I promise," They fell silent once more, letting it say the rest for them. In that moment they needed no words and they were content just being in one another's company. Rin was at peace with herself for finally doing what she had deemed the impossible. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she could breathe again. She smiled for no reason in particular and she had not a single care in the world. She wasn't even concerned about Lord Sesshomaru and whether he would have her again or not. Rin had finally found her courage and she had realized just how much she had missed being honest.

Finally, Kirara stood and stretched before mewing and bounding her way back up the steep cliff side and back up onto the ledge. Kohaku shifted with a groan and finally released Rin's hand as he rubbed at his eyes. "I guess that means it's time to go," Rin nodded, watching as the sun began to dip below the horizon.

"I'm sure they're worried," She added as she scooted forward and turned. Kohaku helped her scramble back up the side and she gripped at the grass as she hoisted herself onto the ledge. Rin pulled herself to her feet and brushed the dirt from the front of her kimono. She straightened to turn and help Kohaku but she fell short.

Her eyes locked on the demon lord and she found herself immobile and rooted to the spot. She felt her blood turn cold and her breath hitch. He said nothing, but he didn't need to as the red flower held loosely in his hand said it all. She heard Kohaku scramble back up onto the ledge behind her and she turned her head slowly to look at him as if needing his permission.

He was in the middle of brushing himself off when he seemed to tune in on the situation and he looked between Rin and Sesshomaru several times before locking eyes with Rin. Slowly, his head moved in a nod. "Go on, Rin."

She swallowed hard and offered him a small and timid smile before nodding her own head once. She looked back to the demon lord and was afraid that he wouldn't still be there, but he still stood as tall and as still as always and she could feel his eyes on her. She took a tentative step forward and he lowered his head ever so slightly. She could feel her heart speeding up as she neared him and she nearly melted into the ground when he raised his hand and offered her the flower.

Rin extended her hand and wrapped her fingers around the stem and locked her gaze on his. "You may follow me if that is what you still wish," He said carefully.

"There isn't anywhere else I would rather be," She said quietly. He released the flower and she clutched it tightly. His eyes flicked to Kohaku and he nodded his head one more time before turning to leave. Rin stared at the flower for the moment and studied the vibrant red petals before she turned and grinned back at Kohaku. She gave him an enthusiastic wave.

"Rin," The sound of her name sent chills rocketing the length of her spine and she sun back around.

"Coming!" A girlish giggled passed over her lips and she clutched the flower to her chest as she bounded after the demon lord. She slipped her hand into his once she caught up to him and ignored his stiffening muscles. After a moment he relaxed and she turned her head to grin at him with another small giggle and for the first time she saw a smile form on his normally expressionless lips.

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

He raised an eyebrow as an indication for her to continue on with her question.

"Can I stay with you forever? Even when I'm old and gray?"

He was silent for a long moment as they walked and Rin twirled the flower between her fingers as she waited for him to respond. She had come to accept that he never would respond when she heard him inhale and his hand gave her much smaller one a gentle squeeze.

"Forever is unrealistic," He paused. "But I will have you for as long as you wish to stay."

She shook her head. "Forever," She grinned at his quiet sigh of exasperation, but he said nothing more and he didn't need to. She had already heard all she could ever want to hear from him. He would not throw her into another human village because he _wanted_ her.

"I wish to stay forever because this is where my heart is and I have to follow it no matter where it takes me."


	12. Epilogue

**Author's Note: Since it was very much requested that there be more, I decided to throw in an epilogue. I want to thank everyone for all of the kind reviews and for taking the time to read this story. I cannot promise that there will be a sequel, but just know that it will be considered. I hope you all have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thank you all again and please take care! **

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Twelve years had come and gone faster than she ever could have imagined. It felt as though just yesterday she had done the impossible and gone from eighteen to thirty over night. But she knew that twelve years was a very long time in some ways and it had taken that much time for her to slowly chip away at the ice still surrounded her beloved demon lord's heart. She had made considerable progress in twelve years, but she knew she still had a very long way to go. It would take close to an eternity to break him down completely and Rin's days were even more numbered than they had been before she set out on this personal quest.

In twelve years she had only ventured back to the village once under the cover of darkness. Little had changed and she hadn't really expected it to. Her visit had been brief and she had been surprised to find that someone was still tending to Kaede's grave. The only thing missing had been the flowers which Rin had remembered to bring with her. She had thought about making her rounds to each of their homes, but she had thought better of it and returned to the safety of the forest as quickly as she had come. She knew being seen and confronted would only make matters worse and she wasn't sure she would be able to face any of them.

That had been six years ago. She had kept her eyes open for Kohaku, but during their few encounters with demon slayers she had not seen him. Rin had heard that he had married a young girl from the demon slayer village, but she hadn't bothered to ask any more questions. As long as he was happy, then she would be just fine.

Her life was once more dedicated to following Lord Sesshomaru and she did it without a second thought. He had followed her into the depths of Hell once and so she decided that she could at least do the same. As dramatic as she knew it sounded, a life without him just didn't seem like much of a life at all. She owed him everything she had and more.

Rin had settled herself in the grass on the hillside that overlooked the plains stretching out before her. She turned her head and gave a small chuckle as Jaken muttered something behind her and let out a loud snore before rolling over. The imp had not been pleased when his master returned with his human companion, but Rin knew he was fond of her deep down. He had shown it on several occasions and his pestering and nagging was his way of keeping his true emotions in check. Even at eight she had taken everything he had said with a grain of salt as she knew he was just simply being Jaken.

Her attention turned back to the plains and she hooked her arms around her knees as she pulled them closer to her chest. A light evening breeze dipped down to kiss the grass and caress the exposed skin on her arms and she inhaled deeply. It was the perfect night and the stars seemed to twinkle in agreement. The only thing missing was her demon lord and she frowned. Once again he had taken off into the night without a word and the waiting game was one Rin had never been fond of. She worried about him and nothing in the world was going to change that. Not even his sighs of exasperation when she voiced these feelings out loud.

Rin rested her chin on her knees and hummed quietly to herself. Time seemed to stop as the breeze continued to blow and she began to shiver. She knew it would be best to return to her blanket and get some sleep, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She wished to see him when he returned more so than she usually did. She blinked back the sleep and tried to fight the heaviness in her eyes, but it was impossible and she found herself nodding off.

The warmth of the arms wrapping themselves around her was comforting and familiar and as she pulled herself out of her sleepy haze she was glad she hadn't gone to her blanket as this was much better. He lifted her with ease and she settled into his lap, her cheek pressed against his chest. Her fingers curled around the soft fabric of his kimono and she inhaled deeply.

"You should be sleeping," His chest hummed as he spoke and she nestled herself against him even more.

"I was waiting up for you," She murmured in response, stifling a yawn and opening her eyes to blink up at him.

"You're cold."

"I'm okay now. You're very warm and I've missed you, Lord Sesshomaru. Please don't put me to bed. Please let me stay with you," Even at thirty she still felt like a child in his presence.

He was silent and for a moment she thought that he would go against her wishes the moment she closed her eyes again. But when his hold on her tightened she smiled and hummed happily in response as she let her eyes slide shut once more.

"You may stay. Goodnight, Rin."


End file.
